Monday, October 18, 2010

The answer is...

This was his reply in relation to my previous post

Hi Mr. Brightside,

Exhibit A: I actually thought you were going to tell me that you were really a straight guy (while we were on a date).

Exhibit B: This was cleared already, I did point out to you after that, "I do walk straight" (I mentioned that I have knock knees...yup, piki ako) just so I get to be at par with what you did, so no worries, let's call it quits. haha

1) I am happy to have met you too, minus the fact that part of meeting and dancing with me was to really avoid another person. haha (please refer to this post)

2) It was my pleasure, that's one of the things I'm really good at, or at least I think.

3) Same here, you were very funny. Especially that part where you didn't want me to look at you while you sing. Enjoyed that BIG TIME. (I sang Gabe Bondoc's cover of Somebody to Love)

4) Thank you Mr. Brightside. It was really nice meeting you. I also find you cute. And I would have to second what BK said, you really look like you're cuddly. haha

I was nervous too when I saw you again, it felt a bit awkward seeing you again so I had to start speaking and all. I love the walk around Tomas Morato. It was a good night.

Sorry for keeping you that late, I find you very entertaining and interesting to talk to. =)

Yes. But only if you sing to me a whole song and if Bezty (best friend ko since high school a.k.a. my fag hag) won't get mad. =)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The question is...

Ngayon lang nagsink in... I said some pretty stupid things last night. (Mr. Brightside slaps his forehead)

Exhibit A: I have a thing for boobs
I really don't know where this came from. What gay guy in his right mind would say this during a first date? He might think that I am some weirdo, and I won't blame him. Heck, I think I'm a weirdo.

Exhibit B: Ever since I was a child, dentists think that i have a good set of teeth
Sinabi ko pa talaga siya after he shared about his over bite. How rude and insensitive of me. (Mr. Brightside slashes his wrist...kidding =D)

and many more, I bet.

To be honest, I was nervous prior and during the date. First date jitters, I guess. But I hope, despite the stupid things I said, that I was able to send the following messages:

1) Even though our meeting was accidental (please refer to my previous post), I am really happy that I met him.
2) I appreciate his effort to make me feel comfortable last night.
3) I enjoyed our conversation and his company.

and most important of all

4) I like him. I think he's cute and he has a wonderful personality, which I think is rare.

So now, the question is, would he go out with me for another date? (Mr. Brightside crosses his fingers while saying: please, please, please say yes)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Anong pangalan ng best friend ni Spongebob?

October 1, 2010, I texted Boy Kulot (BK for short...GBF dated this guy before we started dating) and Mr. Mature (Mr. M for short...friend ni BK, na naging friend ni GBF, na naging friend ko na din)...

"BK and Mr. M, gusto kong uminom at sumayaw na para akong may pinagdadaanan... haha... see you guys later"

Actually, hindi parang, may pinagdadaanan tlga ako nun, sort of. There was this guy, we dated for a month pero nagkalabuan since may hang-ups pa siya sa ex niya. So I suggested for some "time-off" (at ngayon mukhang indefinite na itong time-off na ito dahil halos one (1) month na kaming hindi nagkikita). Dahil medyo pagod na akong mag-isip at mag-emo, I needed to go to a place where I could void myself of thoughts and emotions. I needed to go to a bar, a gay bar to be exact.

October 2, 2010
at around 2am

We arrived at O-bar in Ortigas, the one near Metro Dorm (GBF used to live here, back in 2008...wala pang O-bar noon...I miss him, I miss my best friend).

Up-beat music + Dancing + Drinks + Cute boys = Perfect distraction

Being perfectly distracted was cut short when I saw GBF's ex, na college kabarkada ng best friend ko nung high school (my fag hag, universal fag hag to be exact, I will post something about her someday =D), na kakilala din pala ni BK, na kilala ako at hindi niya alam na PLU ako. Whew! Itago natin siya sa pangalang UG (Uber Gwapo)

Note: 1) Si UG ay hawig ni Derek Ramsey, with softer features
2) I have a thing for cute kalbo men =D

Since busy si Mr. M sa paglandi (later on nalaman namin na ayaw pala niya yung lumalandi sa kaniya),I voiced out my issue kay BK.

"BK! T@!#$%*! andito si UG, di niya ako pwede makita!"

You see, I have this belief/principle that the only people that may know about my sexuality are the ones close to me. In other words, hindi kami close ni UG at hindi niya kailangan malaman na PLU ako.

BK told me "Tara, let's roam around... I think I saw a former classmate, puntahan natin sila"

As we trod through the dance floor, I was very mindful where UG was situated, so that I could conceal my presence properly. Finally, we saw BK's former classmate and BK introduced me. His name is Patrick (Pat for dami ng sinabi kong tao at issues sa buhay ko, siya talaga ang subject matter ng post na ito =D). So I danced with him for a while, usap usap onti, then I decided to go back to where BK and Mr. M. But wait! Pag lingon ko sa kanila, hala si BK kausap na si UG (at sinabi niyang kasama niya ako... alam na!). So I turned around and continued dancing with Pat instead. Sayaw sayaw at usap usap ulit, I flirted with him a little, I told him "Remove your cap," he was hesitant at first but he eventually took it off. He's kalbo =D(please refer to Note 2 above). I couldn't resist, I rubbed his head (no pun intended). Sayaw sayaw and usap usap some more. After 30 to 45 minutes of dancing...

Pat: "Pagod na ako"
Me: "Do you want to step out for a while"
Pat: "Sure, sure"

Around 4am, we stepped out of O-bar and went to Starbucks. We sat and we just talked about work, educational background, past loves, etc. (btw napakanta niya ako ng di oras ng Mr. Brightside at Use Somebody... I guess naimpress naman siya =D) Di namin napansin 6:30am na! So we decided to part ways.

Almost two weeks after...

October 12, 2010, he officially asked me out
Pat: Can I ask for another thing
Me: It depends. What is it?
Pat: Next time na lang pala
Me: C’mon, tell me, don’t be shy
Pat: Ummmm, I’m not shy
Me: So ano yun?
Pat: Cartwheel
Me: What!? Haha… Fine, next time mo na lang sabihin
Pat: Are you malambing?
Me: Tough question.. uhm.. Yes? What do you think?
Pat: I dunno. Good night Mr. Brightside
Me: Good night Pat
Pat: Would you like to go out with me?
Me: I was going to ask you the same thing, pero sa Friday pa sana… so, yes
Pat: But I have a favor to ask
Me: What is it?
Pat: Can I not be one of those meaningless dates? (kinilig naman ako dito ng very light)
Me: Pat, pointless not meaningless, remember
Pat: Hope it won’t be pointless too
Me: You just made me smile… I hope so too
Pat: Oh. You still have to ask me If I wanna go out with you. Haha
Me: Would you like to go out with me?
Pat: Now? Haha
Me: Are you free Saturday night?
Pat: Yes.
Me: Then it’s a date?
Pat: Yes.
Me: Ok =D

Here I go again, wish me luck.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Pasablog!!! Why I started blogging

Sometime in December 2009...

It was an ordinary day, in an ordinary (aircon yung bus...haha) bus, going to an ordinary Makati (totally an understatement, Makati is awesome!). I sat beside this cute but grumpy looking guy (until now, he would contest that I did that on purpose because I wanted to flirt with him, which wasn't the case, yun na lang kaya yung available na seat at that time, feeler much). I have to admit though I made quick glances at him and he did too. After several glances, he wrote his number on a piece of paper and placed it in my left pocket. I texted him the moment I arrived in the office.

"Hi, I'm David, nice meeting you."

He replied:

"Hi, I'm December (not his real name), I'm only up for sex, nothing serious"

I was a bit shocked and a little turned off. Shocked because, he didn't look like the i'm-only-up-for-sex type, he seemed like a nice guy and turned off because, i'm not an i'm-only-up-for-sex type (most of the time). But I decided to play along. I said "Yep, me too, not looking for anything serious right now." A week went by, we exchanged messages on whether we could meet to do the "deed" but our sched was not in sync and his place was not available since his brother was always around. One Saturday night I asked him if he was available the following day, just to talk and get to know each other, fortunately he said yes. The following day we met, went to church together, had dinner and just talked. I was right, he was a nice guy, who had broken up with his on-and-off boyfriend for two years sometime in June 2009 (he caught the guy cheating for the third time and he too had something on the side... men, ugh! haha). I, on the other hand, after a two-year hiatus had recently opened up to dating. I told him that I was dating two other guys (My GBF and my college crush). Then he told me "stop looking, choose me, I'll make it worth your while"

I don't know what it was... Was it his sadness, was it what he said, was it the moon or the fact that we were in a relatively dark place... A kiss transpired... It was a good kiss, great actually.

A week would go by until our next meeting.

His brother went home to the province so he invited me to spend the weekend at his place. We chilled, watched movies, he showed me his blog (yep, isa siyang blogger), he cooked (it was decent...edible), we slept and we slept together/made love/had sex (whichever term/phrase you may prefer). It was one of the best weekends I had in a long time. Monday came, I had to go to work, he had to go home to the province to spend Christmas with his family. I left his place smiling, thinking, this may really be it, my search may be over. But apparently, circumstances would yet again pull a cruel joke on me.

December 27, 2009, after contemplating who among the three guys I'm dating will I choose to date exclusively, I chose December. He called that night and I told him that I chose him. I was expecting enthusiasm and happiness, but weirdly, he was quiet and gave an indifferent

"Ah ok."

I asked him what was the matter, he said "Tumawag si X, he wants to patch things up... I don't know what to do."

I said "Paano tayo?"

He said "Don't worry, aayusin ko to and I am considering you're sake... You've done a lot for me Dave."

After that conversation, a week would go by, a week of questioning whether he would choose me or X. What I did next was stupid...I hoped.

January 3, 2010, he came back here in Manila and invited me to come over because he bought "pasalubong" for me from his hometown, he also invited me to sleep over. I asked him "So.. are we still exclusively dating?" and he said "Yes" without any hesitation. I don't know why, I felt uneasy, I doubted his confident yes. The morning after, I woke up and prepared for work, December was still asleep since he doesn't have to go to work that day. I don't know what came over me, I suddenly had the urge to go through messages in his cell phone. Disclaimer: This was the first time I did this, normally, I don't invade people's privacy, but the urge was greater than my values. I saw several "I miss you" and "I love you" from a sender whose name is different from X, but I know it's him. I told myself "baka nangungulit lang or something." So I went through his sent items and what I saw voided me from all emotions I should be feeling at that moment. I decided to play cool and save the drama later.

"Iwan ko muna yung pasalubong mo, hirap dalhin eh, balikan ko mamaya."

I went to work and thought of a way how will I handle this... "bahala na"

I went back to his place, wanting to confront him. I don't know what was wrong with him at that time but he was "eager" for it, and I don't know what what was wrong with me, I gave in. Maybe it was my subconscious telling me "go ahead, this would be the last." Afterwards, I told him "you know, I did not go here for this, I actually wanted to talk to you, just talk." I told him what I did, what I found out earlier that day. He cried. He said he was confused and he does not know what to do. "Nahihiya ako sayo, hindi kasi ako makapili" he uttered. What would have been rational at that time was me choosing to end my quasi-relationship with December, instead, I said "Naiintindihan kita, and I'm willing to wait... Aayusin mo naman to diba?" He said yes, after the drama, I had to go home as his brother will arrive in a while.

3 weeks would pass, he became mores distant and cold. At the end of the 3rd week I texted him about the DVDs he borrowed:
Me: "Hi December, when can I get my DVDs back?"
December: "May i return them on Monday"
Me: "Ok, how are you doing?"
December: "I'm ok, I'm sorry"
Me: "Sorry for what?"
December : "For everything"

I understood the underlying message, he chose his ex.

Me: "I really want to say that it's ok, that I understand.. but right now I can't... Can I just get my DVDs back on Monday."

Monday came, he gave me the DVDs and said sorry... I just said "ok... bye" and walked away. I thought he was a jerk and I really hated his guts. We could have ended on a better note if he had just been honest. I can handle rejection, I've handled it many times before. I remember GBF telling me "Hindi ibig sabihin na nag-offer ang isang tao to exclusively date mamahalin ka na... at hindi ibig sabihin na hindi kaya mag-offer ng isang tao to exclusively date hindi ka na mahal." December was a mistake of epic proportions. I should have been patient with GBF. Regret, truly, can be found in the end.

I have to be honest. I made this blog so that one day he would read this post. I even followed some of his followers and made sure that at least five would follow my blog, so that one day he would stumble upon this post and make him realize he was a jerk. But apparently, he stopped blogging 2 or 3 weeks after I started this blog and after some time I finally accepted, understood and forgave.

So now, what's next? I think I finally accomplished the goal of this blog.
I guess I will write on, share my thoughts, my experiences, my "whatevers."
Another chapter of Mr. Brightside starts here. Here's to the brighter side of life.