Saturday, June 26, 2010


Isn't it sad how much effort you put into forgetting someone? Kung saan lupalop ka pumupunta, kung sino-sino tinatagpo mo, kung anu-ano ang ginagawa mo para lang maging ok ka. Nagpapakalunod ka sa trabaho, nanood ng sandamukal na dvds, buong araw naglalaro psp, lahat gagawin mo para lang maalis ang isip mo sa taong nawala sa'yo. But at the end of the day, siya pa rin.

It's been three months since he left for Singapore. Siya ang GBF (Gay Best Friend) ko... and then some... but like he always tells me "you're more than a best friend to me."... he was more than a best friend to me... Naiintindihan ko siya kung bakit kailangan niya umalis, para sa mga pangarap niya at para sa pamilya niya. Ang di ko naiintindihan ay yung paraan kung paano niya ako iniwan. It was days before he left. I really blame the tequila, but more than the tequila i blame the kiss... dahil dun lahat ng pinilit kong ibaon na emotions resurfaced.

I loved him. I love him. He loved me, but not as much. He wanted an open relationship, i wanted exclusivity. I did not choose him, I chose someone else, who eventually made me regret. It was a mistake of epic proportions. Sana kumapit pa ako a little more. Sana I gave him a reason to stay.

Ngayon, i feel stupid for feeling these things. I mean wala nang sense. Di na siya babalik. Matagal siyang di babalik. Time will soon erase what we had. Mahirap pag kalaban mo oras na. Mahirap pag gusto mo pang ipaglaban, gusto mo pang umasa pero wala ka nang magagawa. All I'm left with is unnecessary emotions and the good memories tattooed in my head (and in my heart).

"...'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no...
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces"

Mahal kita.
Ikaw pa rin.


  1. The most wonderful thing that you could cherish is how you guys tell each other how important you are to him and how important he is to you.

    I know your thought on being exclusive but right now that's not possible. It is but the guy can't. At least he's telling you how he feels which is a good start.

    To him, I hope he fulfills his dreams and to you, if you really want him, go!

  2. I am so torn right now between moving on and hoping... di ko alam kung anong gagawin

  3. you'll get over him. in time. one day you'll wake up, all the hurt and pain, gone.

  4. @soltero - I know I can... ang tanong do I want to?... Can I really dispose of my feelings for him easily? Lalo na best friend ko siya... nice singing voice by the way.. hehe

  5. Once I felt how you feel. You will move on kid, soon.